5

 The first time journalist Nonomura Haruto met the CEO, he was instantly left wide-eyed and speechless.

“U-uh… That make-up…”

“It’s just my fashion sense.” Kigawa Tosuke had welcomed Haruto with his typical clown makeup on. Of course, it was actually almost entirely natural, save for the tear-shaped marks painted beneath his eyes.

They were alone in the CEO's office, but it was so wide and open that it felt strangely deserted. There were virtually no real furnishings other than the sofas on which they sat, facing each other. Within this room, the eccentric-looking Tosuke looked very…out of place.

“I-I see… Erm. Shall we start by taking a photo?” Haruto said while holding his camera. His finger was already pressing against the shutter button.

“Go ahead. So, you’re the one that takes the pictures?”

“That’s right. I do interviews and a few other things, but photography’s my main line of work,” he answered, shooting photos as he spoke. After he’d taken a good number of them, he looked up from the view-finder.

“Thank you very much.”

“Your letter was really interesting! I would’ve loved to meet you earlier, but it was kinda hard to get Suguru to give the go-ahead.”

“Suguru…? Ah, you mean Mr. Semigasawa. I’m very grateful that he gave us permission to do this.”

“What was the headline you had planned? ‘Magicians of the Modern Age’?”

“Yes, that’s the direction I was considering. Well then, I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me.”

“Oh yeah? If it’s about how I make my ice cream, I’d be delighted tell you all about it. Above all, the most important thing is that you mix it well…”

“Ah, no, it’s not going to be quite as technical as that.” Haruto shook his head with a weak smile, then slowly fixed his eyes upon Tosuke and began asking his questions. His tape recorder had been running from the moment he entered the room. “What made you decide to make your own, unique, brand of ice cream? It’s pretty peculiar, wouldn’t you say?”

“I mean, I make it because it’s tasty. It is, isn’t it?” he replied in a laid-back manner.

“Yes, that’s very true, but I imagine it takes a brave sort to be able to market those kinds of flavors to the public. The production costs are very high, aren’t they?”

“My very talented staff takes care of that problem. But it’s true, it does seem to cost a lot of money.”

“And yet despite that, you’re still trying to raise the quality even higher? I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you must be cutting some corners? For someone with your level of expertise, I mean.”

“Hmm, I don’t really get what you mean by that, but if it tastes good, it tastes good, right? It’s actually hard for me to try and make it anything but.”

“So, you’re saying it isn’t a strategic approach?”

“Mmm… Well, I guess I’m not thinking especially deeply about it, no.”

“Do you perhaps have some kind of conviction that your customers have come to expect a certain level of quality?”

“I think I have! If I make it the right way, then people are sure to come and enjoy it. That’s definitely something I’ve thought, yeah!” Tosuke nodded to his words as he spoke. It was hard to tell whether he really knew what he was talking about.

“And how do you work out what they like? You must have done some extensive research.”

“It’s the pain, actually.”

“Huh?”

“The pain people feel deep in their hearts. If I make my ice cream with that in mind, it’s guaranteed to be something they’ll like.”

“…That’s very metaphorical.”

“Really? You think so?”

“By pain, do you mean something like, the stress that people in modern society all share?”

“I don’t know much about modern society, but it’s something that’s faintly there in everyone, isn’t it? Like it’s clutching at your heart, that sort of feeling.”

“Er, well…”

Even as Haruto struggled to find the right words, Tosuke continued with his beautiful lilting voice.

“It’s either that, or no one’s realized it at all. But it’s there for sure. So, when everyone’s forgotten it and then it shows up again right before them, they’re surprised and then find themselves enjoying my ice cream.”

“…Y-you’re saying that you feel it’s your mission to respond to your customers’ needs? That there’s some kind of latent demand?” Haruto did his best to try and wring out the question by force.

“Mission? What do you mean by that?” Tosuke eyed him suspiciously.

“Something you feel you need to do. Like a…sort of pressing feeling.”

“…Huh? I don’t get it.” Tosuke just stared blankly. At this point, Haruto was starting to feel like he should wrap up the conversation.

“…All right, then. Now let’s presume, just hypothetically, that you had some kind of problem. What might that be?”

“A problem, huh…” Tosuke folded his arms, thinking. “You mean like something getting in the way?”

“Yes, that’s right. You don’t seem to have any rival competitors right now, but if there was one thing you felt you had to improve upon, what do you think that would be?”

“…The ice cream, I guess?” he mumbled. “I’d want it to taste even better—or, I could even make something different.”

Haruto’s eyes widened, seeing how serious Tosuke was.

“Really? But everyone says they’re really delighted with the current flavors. If you change them, there could be backlash.”

“I know that… I know, but still…” Tosuke muttered, mouth puckered and frowning deeply. “The way it is now, I can watch as many people as I want, but that won’t heal the pain in my heart, will it?”

“…Pardon?”

“Back when I was making ice cream for Norisuke and Kyouichiro, I never felt any pain. Now that I’m with all these people, it’s been hard not to feel like this… Wherever I turn, there’s people eating my ice cream. In many ways, it’s starting to feel like everyone’s stabbing me in the heart with a knife. I wonder if there’s really no way to do something about this pain… If all I’m doing is making it for people to enjoy, I’ll never be able to make any progress!”

“Uh…um…”

“I’ve been having thoughts like these a lot when I give things for her to taste. She responds well, but no matter how much it cheers her up, the pain I get from her doesn’t go away—it gets worse. Figures, huh? Maybe the more sensitive I become to pain, the more others start to think that it doesn’t matter to them…”

Tosuke wasn’t talking one-to-one with Haruto anymore, but merely rambling on by himself.

* * * * *

…So yeah, most of Tosuke’s interaction with the outside world went something like that, disconnected to the point of absurdity. Still, Nonomura Haruto was a consummate professional. He couldn’t disappoint Semigasawa, who had given him the OK, so he put together a complete article. Although, it mentioned things Tosuke himself had never actually said:

“I’m very serious about the ice cream I make. Today’s society is so rife with uncertainty that there’s a need for luxury items like ice cream to exist in order to relieve the pain in people’s hearts.”

When Tosuke himself read it, he tilted his head in puzzlement.

In any case, this particular publication was very well received, and the article was quoted all over the place, spreading the general opinion that, although Kigawa Tosuke was an oddball, he was also a very diligent individual. Even though they weren’t actually his own words. If he’d spent the rest of his days making ice cream, maybe nothing would have happened. Oh, if only he’d chosen to do that…

Now then, let me tell you what happened around, say, three months after he’d started feeding Furukawa Sonoko ice cream…

* * * * *

…Huh?

Suddenly, Sonoko couldn’t recall who the man standing in front of her was.

She couldn't focus on his question as she wondered who he even was. In fact, where was she, anyway?

“Y-yes, sorry,” she apologized reflexively. But the next moment, she remembered that she was in a restaurant and that the person before her was a waiter attempting to take her order.

The waiter stifled a laugh upon hearing her confused answer, but it was clear that he bore no malice and had simply found it endearing.

“Wow, what am I saying? Let’s see…”

She opened the menu and chose her desired meal, her cheeks slightly flushed from embarrassment.

“You’re funny,” snickered her senpai, a female celebrity, sitting behind her.

“Seems like I’ve been spacing out a lot lately. I must look really dumb, huh?” Sonoko replied with an embarrassed titter.

“Huh, so you’re actually that ditzy? And here I thought your airheaded-ness was just an act,” the man at the same table laughed too.

“I mean, I’m trying for it to be an act,” she said, wondering exactly who these people were.

She just couldn’t remember. She was sure she’d just been introduced to them, but it was as if all the information on them had vanished from her head.

“You’ve become quite the star lately, though, Furukita-chan. In no small part due to your dopey-ness.”

“Thank you,” she replied with a smile.

“Hold on, I don’t think that's a compliment, sweetie. He’s making fun of you, isn’t he?” her senpai said with a grin. Come to think of it, Sonoko couldn’t remember her name either.

“Oh, is that so?” she said, and everyone laughed.

“All right, here’s to the future success of our new job!”

The man raised a glass, and the two women followed along.

“To success!”

And as they all clinked their glasses, the only thought on Sonoko's mind was, who are these people…?

She couldn't remember the reason for her being in the restaurant at all, either. Still, she ate her meal calmly, nodding, laughing along and joking with the other two, almost forgetting the very fact that she couldn't recall who they were.

Sometimes, she also forgot what she was doing during some of her television recordings. Naturally, this meant that she’d forget her lines, but she’d usually somehow manage to grasp an idea of the context and improvise her way out of the situation. There were times that didn’t work out, of course, but on those occasions the staff just pinned it on her simply spacing out, finding it amusing.

Even having forgotten their names, she could form decent responses to their questions. Things she didn’t know, she could bluff her way through, and the conversation could advance… She wasn't thinking this out of contempt, but rather, she just believed that she could play along fine if she matched the feelings of the other party. Even if she had forgotten their name, their position — everything, she could still understand those feelings. And because of that, her answers felt like they came from the heart. Others often saw her as smart, someone with a sense of humor, but in reality, she was only covering up for her own forgetfulness.

It goes without saying that this all began after she’d met Kigawa Tosuke.

Surrounded by a pleasant mood, the meal went on until, at last, it was time for dessert: ice cream.

“Come to think of it, you’re quite the ice cream gourmet, aren’t you?” asked the man.

“What?! That’s not true. All I did was eat some on TV and say how content it made me feel.”

“You’re talking about Kigawa Tosuke’s ice cream, aren’t you? That place really is divine.”

“Oh, you’ve tried it too?”

“Once you’ve tried their ice cream, you can’t really go back to anything else. Though I must admit, this dessert isn’t half bad either…” the woman said, tucking her spoon into the Italian gelato. Sonoko did the same, outwardly grinning along with the rest of them. However, she couldn’t help but feel that it was devoid of any flavor at all.

I’d really prefer to be eating Kigawa’s…

The moment that thought crossed her mind, she finally returned to her senses and, heaving a gasp, remembered who the two of them were.

That’s right. It’s the broadcast script writer that was the panel of judges that failed me back when I auditioned last year. And this woman was strongly rumored to be his lover…

At the time, she figured she had a pretty good chance of winning, but, she'd heard later on that he’d insisted on an amateur with personal connections to him. She’d harbored quite a grudge back then.

But how could she have forgotten that? Thinking back on it, the vexation she’d felt was clear as day once more. It was like a stab to her heart.

How…?

Left speechless, she stared vacantly at the two of them. That’s right. Now that she’d become popular, the broadcast script writer was trying to lay the groundwork so that he could prove himself useful to her in future. That’s what this meal was all about.

“…Hm? Is something wrong, Furukita?” the man inquired casually, seeing Sonoko’s face suddenly tense up.

“Ah, uh…it’s nothing. I think I may have eaten a little too much…” All she could do was shake her head awkwardly.

When Sonoko got home that night, she spewed up all the food she’d eaten during the meal. Panting and gasping, she suddenly couldn’t help but feel that everything in the world was utterly and absolutely detestable.

W-what’s happening to me…?

Feelings of anger and rage were welling up inside her for no apparent reason. She felt awful.

While taking a bottle of mineral water from the fridge to rinse her throat, a thought entered her mind.

Oh yeah, I set a little aside last time, didn’t I?

She then reached across to the freezer compartment and took a tub of ice cream out.

Though her mouth was still tingling from the convulsed contents of her stomach, she restlessly shoveled spoonfuls of the vanilla ice cream into it. Once she had a taste of that sweetness spreading across her mouth, her eyes narrowed and her body trembled.

“Ahh, so good…”

She felt her anger melting away along with the ice cream. A pleasant feeling, as if all the puzzle pieces in her fragmented heart were clicking back into place.

One mouthful was enough to content her, and she immediately returned the ice cream back to the freezer. It wasn’t an addiction, more akin to a workman regaining his composure by holding a familiar tool in his hand after being made to use an unfamiliar one. To regain her own habits, her own patterns…

“Sheesh… Oh yeah, that’s right, I…”

As relief filled her, she couldn’t quite tell why it was she’d felt so incredibly angry earlier. So she’d had a falling out in the past. Big deal.

“Right? So dumb of me to get worked up over that. There’s literally no point in holding a grudge against him now. Uhh… Him? Who was he again?”

She’d forgotten the man's name. But by that point, her interest had already waned.

“Well, whatever.”

She walked down the corridor to fill the bathtub, humming to herself along the way.

* * * * *

…What does it mean to be “kind”?

The great Captain Walker’s transcended all this good and evil crap, so I don’t really know, but…if you’re gonna tell me it’s about not hating people, that it’s about helping them when they need it? Well then, what the hell makes it any different from turning a blind eye to people’s faults?

Say they have a “talent” – take a dog, for instance. It’s got a good nose, but it can’t see for shit. A bird can see for miles, but once it’s dark, it’s almost useless. It’s normal for things to be this way.

It’s easy to be kind to someone. You don’t have to know the slightest thing about them — heh heh, this is like some kind of hard-boiled proverb.

Where’s the problem, so long as they’re kind?

Hey, you know, maybe, just maybe, if he just went all the way and made everyone completely unable to understand each other, and no one gave a fuck, people might actually have some fun for once while they're wondering who the hell everyone else was! Fuhihihihihi.

…Now, the folk monitoring Tosuke, they’d only heard rumors of such a tendency. They’d heard about it, but they had no idea where the cause lay. They vaguely knew that Tosuke’s ice cream had something to do with it, but it wasn’t a proper drug, at any rate. When they analyzed it, they couldn’t even find a common base; like Tosuke said, “everyone has their own preferences.”

How are you supposed to work out something like that?

To get to the bottom of it, these guys decided to get a little rough. And the first thing they did to try and determine whether Kigawa Tosuke was the root of the tendency was some “sifting out”. A little refining of the components, the kind they always do in chemistry experiments. In simple terms, they wanted to see what would happen if Tosuke alone were to make the ice cream. And naturally, the first thing to remove was one whom Tosuke relied upon more than anyone else…

* * * * *

…It was late at night, and Tosuke was holed up in his special kitchen, testing his ice cream, as usual. The only light in the room shone on him, leaving the rest in pitch darkness.

“Hmm…” he’d grumble as he stirred the heated pan, occasionally stopping to scratch his head.

“Not the best I’ve done…” he muttered under his breath, when suddenly the whole room was flooded with light.

Startled, Tosuke jumped. When he turned around, Kusunoki Rei was standing there.

“W-waah!” Tosuke panicked. Since he was all alone, he didn’t have his face painted and he wasn’t wearing gloves. His greenness was laid bare.

“Evening.” Even witnessing him in that state, Rei spoke calmly.

“Ah, yeah. Good evening… I mean, this is, uh…”

“Same stupid face as ever, hands covered in peppermint sauce, right?”

“Huh? …Uh, yeah, pretty much,” he nodded, prompting Rei to laugh through her nose.

“You’re such an idiot.”

“Uh…?”

“You think I didn’t know or something? I figured it out a long time ago.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve known exactly who you were for a long time now. Kigawa Norisuke may have acknowledged you as his child, but in the registry, the space where your mother’s name should have been was blank. Even you probably don’t know where you came from, do you?”

She looked fed up with him. Tosuke was bemused, but then began to laugh weakly.

“…Haha. Right. Of course you’d know… You’ve stuck by me for so long now. And you’re way smarter than me, too. Guess there wasn’t much point in me keeping it secret.” He dropped his head languidly.

“It’s bubbling,” Rei responded matter-of-factly.

“Huh?”

“The pan. It’s bubbling.” She pointed to the pan beside Tosuke, which he’d left on, and which was now frothing over.

“Wa-waaah!” Tosuke fumbled to turn off the heat. Rei sighed.

“You know, when you’re dumb, you’re really, really dumb.” Her tone was serious.

Having turned off the heat, Tosuke clammed up. “Sorry,” he muttered feebly.

“What are you being sorry for?”

“For not telling you. I should have told you straight up.”

“Hah! And if you had? What difference would it have made?” said Rei, shrugging her shoulders. “Ever since the day we first met, I never expected you to do something that smart.”

“Really?”

“Really. You’re such a damn fool.” She stared at him, then at last broke into a smile. “Guess that makes two of us. But you know what, you win.”

“But you’re no fool, Rei,” he said with a complex expression.

Rei frowned slightly, then looked away. “I wonder…”

The atmosphere was so sad, Tosuke began to dither.

“W-what’s the matter?”

“…Are you gonna be okay like this?” she said, turning back and staring straight at Tosuke. “You may be a genius, but you can be way too careless… But I guess if you weren’t, it wouldn’t be you anymore, would it?”

“…?”

Tosuke just blinked. He didn’t really understand.

“Uhh… Is there something you want from me, Rei?” he ventured to ask, but Rei shook her head.

“I don’t want you to do anything for me, not anymore. We’ve already done everything we could together. So, there’s no point in you trying to do anything else for me…” Rei’s voice was trembling slightly. “This is goodbye, Tosuke. That’s what I came here to tell you.”

Tosuke stood there, mouth agape. She turned her gaze away from his defenseless state and continued.

“You know about my hobby, don’t you? My interest in images associated with death. I’ll tell you why I’m so interested in that. I came this close to death when I was little. When I was abroad, I got caught up in a war. My parents died there.”

“…”

“They were managers of a branch office in a company overseas. They were fine parents, I think, but I didn’t really know them well. They were so busy with their work, they couldn’t really care for me…so the most vivid memory I have of them was after the bomb blew them into pieces… It was of their scattered remains.”

Her words were cold.

“That image is burned into my mind. After that, I was shuttled around from one foster parent to another, and I think that’s where my personality got screwed up. But that’s fine. I didn’t suffer over it. That’s just how things were. No use thinking about other people’s lives. Once you’re dead, everyone’s the same anyway…”

“…” Tosuke was still in a daze. Rei ignored it and continued.

“But here I am, aren’t I? Alive. That’s why I started making sweets. I finally remembered, just the other day. It was my fourth birthday, I think. We all baked a cake together, mom and dad and me. Can’t remember how it tasted at all, but we overbaked it and it ended up making this creepy sort of shape, and I burst out crying when I saw… It wasn’t even a big deal, but that’s why I started making sweets. And I think the reason I remembered is probably because of eating your ice cream.”

Rei nodded to herself.

“My pain’s so ambiguous, isn’t it?”

“…”

“If that’s true, I have to do something to make it concrete, in my own way. With my own flavors. So, I just can’t be with you anymore…”

Rei pursed her lips tight, as if her cold expression was holding something back.

“But why?” Tosuke spoke, at last. “This is your company, Rei. You can do anything you want with it.”

“This is your kingdom, Kigawa Tosuke. Everyone else here is like an extra compared to you.”

“But Rei, you’re…!”

Tosuke tried to argue back, but Rei replied coldly.

“I’ve rambled on, but basically what’s happened is, I was head-hunted. By a brand-new cake company. I was never exclusively an ice-cream specialist, after all. I figured the offer came at the perfect time, since I’ve decided to go back to school, too,” she continued, as if pushing him aside.

“Then I’ll let you go there! You can still come here, can’t you?!” Tosuke spoke with desperation on his face. “There was never any rule about you always having to help me with every single thing! No, I can help you, so…so please… Please don’t say goodbye!”

“I can’t. You don’t know yourself. When I’m with you, all that ends up happening is…I start to forget the pain.”

Her words were strained, but direct.

“You’ve still got Furukita Sonoko working with you. I hate to admit it, but she does have some interesting taste buds. If the two of you work together, I’m sure you’ll be able to make all sorts of new flavors. You don’t need me anymore.”

“Sonoko’s not you! She’s…she’s not someone like you, who’s got the same-”

“It’s because we’re the same that I can’t stay here,” she interrupted, tapering off.

Tosuke was ready to protest again, until Rei walked up in front of him, swiftly reached out, and touched his cheek.

“You feel just like a normal person… You’re warm. I thought perhaps you’d be cold, like ice cream.”

Her words were gentle.

“If you ever thought that you weren’t human, I can tell you here and now that you’re wrong. Because if you’re not human, and the two of us are alike, then I’m sure as hell not one either…”

Her fingers slowly caressed his cheek. He clasped that hand tightly, but couldn’t find the words he was supposed to say.

“R-Rei…”

“I’m sorry, Tosuke.”

Gently, she pulled away her fingers and released herself from Tosuke’s grip, and for the briefest of moments their lips met. Then at once she pulled away and was gone.

That’s how the two of them parted.

For a while, Tosuke was a hopeless wreck, but half a month later he was already back on his feet and had resumed his work. Furukita Sonoko had reached such a level of stardom that she was rarely able to perform her monitor testing, and before Tosuke knew it, he was, more often than not, working all alone. Other than Kusunoki Rei, the rest of the staff were rarely talkative, further deepening his isolation.

And on the flip side, the media was knocking on his door more and more often. He’d built up quite the reputation, and so decided it was about time to stop worrying about everything and bring things out in the open.

“That’s right. We’ll be releasing a new product very soon,” Tosuke said grinning, fighting to promote his brand. In truth, he was coming to a loose end.

* * * * *

…Well, no surprises there, huh?

Tosuke was a man-to-man sort of guy at heart, always wanting to please those close to him. He only took up the task of serving the masses because Terasuki Kyouichirou had tempted him to, and because Kusunoki Rei had constantly been there at his side to support him with developing the products and advising him. Now that he’d lost the both of them, he didn’t know what to do next.

It’s a given in the industry that as soon as you release a good product, someone else starts copying you, and Tosuke’s ice cream, even though it was “insanely delicious,” began to lose its appeal. Sure, it was in a league of its own, all those ingredients fine-tuned to perfection, but as Kusunoki Rei had told him, “customers don’t understand the intricacies,” do they?

Thanks to Tosuke’s products, consumers learned the joy of eating good ice cream. Can’t blame them for wanting to expand their horizons a little after that.

Tosuke had left the development of new products to other folk; he, on the other hand, only made the kind that was particularly interesting to him. And thanks to that, though it was barely noticeable, the steady pace had, bit by bit, begun to slow down.

Of course, Tosuke knew this better than anyone. When it came to ice cream, he had to know. He had to know that fundamentally, his own products really weren’t all that different from other makers’.

It was at this point that the folk monitoring Tosuke decided to enter the second phase of their plan. A fourth person would appear before Tosuke.

Actually, that’s not exactly right. He was no “person.” He was a genuine monster, as far removed from Teratsuki Kyouichirou as you could possibly imagine. And his name was Spooky Electric.

[1] The phrase used here, 「何になさいますか？」is a very common one for waiters and waitresses to use when taking someone’s order. Though, it’s actually pretty vague out of context, and since Sonoko doesn’t have any context at first, we went with something a bit vaguer in English to make the scene feel better.